As time passes our memory fades. I've had to choose to remember. Remember the anticipation of welcoming new life, remember the fear when we initially were given the news of Gracia, remember the anger and hurt, remember holding back tears, remember crying out to God, remember planning a funeral instead of a baby shower, remember the peace God gave us, remember those who reached out to us, remember the sleepless nights. I don't know if I will ever remember my loss without feeling like there's a knot in my throat or that I can't stop the tears from falling. But still, I choose to remember.
January 7th was my Birthday. It was also the fourth Monday since I delivered Gracia. I knew it would be a hard day and it was. Hard to celebrate my life when I was still grieving Gracia's. Through good friends, God showed me I was still worth celebrating. That life is worth celebrating. My husband, Steve, threw me a surprise belated Quincenera party. 13 years belated.
Lullaby of Hope basket: I'll hold you in Heaven remembrance book by Debbie Heydrick, pearl bracelet (represents the result of refinement) by Marcia Norwood http://tellmeastory-marcia.blogspot.com/, mug with Yogi hormone balancing tea and trail mix
I will recount the steadfast love of the Lord, the praises of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us, and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to his compassion, according to the abundance of his steadfast love. For he said, "Surely they are my people, children who will not deal falsely." And he became their Savior. In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them; in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old
God, thank you for using me as a vessel. It's so hard to come back to this place of hurt time after time. But I count it worthy, for Your namesake. I will forever do what You ask me to do.