Sunday, December 6, 2015


As Gracia's anniversary approached this year, I felt like the only one who remembered her. And for a second, I thought it would be easier for me to not remember too.

Women are a special breed. We are tender, we are emotional and we are brave. I was brave because I opened a wound that was closed three years ago. I went through Gracia's memory box and I read each and every card I was given. I studied her pictures. I counted her toes and put my wedding ring around her tiny ankle on her foot mold. I cried. I remembered what I wore the day we buried our daughter. What we ate. How I felt. I hummed the songs we sang.

I want to share my favorite memories surrounding Gracia's death.

My sister, Meredith, stepped in and took Keilah anytime I needed her to. And she wrote down things that Keilah said or did that she knew I would want to know about. She brought me a little lamb that we buried with Gracia. She wrote Ecclesiastes 11:5 on my belly the day I went in to deliver Gracia and she hosted a reception for us at her home after Gracia's funeral. I love you Mimi.

My Papi built Gracia's "treasure box" (her tiny casket). He used the metric system because she was his spanish grace. He used a jewelry box clasp to keep it closed. My Mom lined it with white satin and pearl trim. It was perfect.

Keilah was so little. She was 3 years old and had chubby cheeks and whispy fine hair. She said things that were wise beyond her years.  God used her to help me heal.

Because of Gracia's death, I started Lullaby of Hope. A ministry for women who are journeying through infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. For three years, my team and I have been making baskets for these women. Her one death has allowed me to step into many women's lives when they are broken and to speak hope over them and point them to Jesus.

My sweet Gracia, I hope you hear the song that I sing to you and that you will sing it back to me.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Choosing the chosen

Lately I have been having contractors come and give me quotes for my decaying driveway, walkway and steps. As well as other exterior house work. When they leave, they thank me.

I had a friend re-upholster my daughter's old car seat and turn it into something more suitable for my son. She thanked me for using her.

Last night, I celebrated 2 years with my Lullaby of Hope ministry team. I got to spoil them by hosting a formal dinner party. My friend, who's a chef, made the most delicious meal. Fancy food that this tongue rarely gets to taste. She spent many hours prepping the food and she did all this asking for nothing in return. And she thanked me for choosing her.

All these thank you's from people who are helping me out has left me confused.
Why are they thanking me when I needed something and they are meeting that need. They are helping me, I'm not helping them.

But then I got to thinking. It's just like Christ choosing us, drawing us near and loving us unconditionally and we are left full of thanks and gratitude to Him. Why? Because He chose us.

" For you are a people holy to the Lord your God, The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for His treasured possession out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set His love you and chose you, but because the Lord loves you an is keeping the oath He swore to your fathers. The Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and has redeemed you."

Deuteronomy 7:6-8

We were created for a reason. We live and breathe the busyness of this world along with the aches and joys of this world for a purpose. God has gifted each of us with a passion and with a talent. No matter how much you've down played your gift, if used properly can have a great impact. And when we are in our groove and know we are doing something with excellency, we soar!

It begins with choosing then we move into the next phase of being called chosen. Doesn't that just give you goose bumps? Chosen. You. are. chosen. You were hand selected. The other's fell short. But you....Oh you are the best. What you have to offer is far superior than any other.

I believe we all want to be chosen. Because being chosen means that you are loved. And that you are, very loved by your Creator.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you."

John 15:16