Thursday January 30th, I gave birth to a beautiful healthy boy. I have a son! My soul is elated. Nearing his birth I really thought that I would spend my sleepless, nursing nights in tears. Thankful tears. But instead, I am over joyed. Every time he wakes I am excited. I can't wait to take care of my sweet son, the baby I've wanted for years. I often find myself shouting in my head "I have a baby!" I want to show him to the world. You know in the movie, The Lion King, when Simba is born and he is presented to the kingdom? When he is lifted up for all to see and the animals "cheer"...that's what I am tempted to do. I know it sounds ridiculous but I am so very excited for his life (and really my new life) that I want to parade him around! For now, I happily hand him over to any willing arms. I get the joy of taking care of him and raising him but I want to be in the habit of letting him go because I believe that God has placed a precious calling on his life.
For those of you that know me and know my journey, this baby of mine is a big deal. Worth celebrating, perhaps even worth parading around. I have spent the last two years pregnant, three different times. Each ending with different results. A miscarriage, a burial and now a birth.
We didn't choose the name Simon. God told us the name four times. We listened. Simon means "has heard" and we chose the name David because it's a family name and King David saved the city of Keilah (our daughters name is Keilah). David means beloved.
As I rock Simon to sleep, give him baby massages, change his diapers, I thank God. I wonder who he will grow to become and how God will use him. My heart still dances when I catch Steve playing peek-a-boo with his son or when I find Keilah gawking over her brother, that she's nicknamed Si Si. I cherish all these moments, they are forever engrained in my memory. They don't replace the other heart wrenching memories that I have. I remember those very well. But it makes it easier to re-visit my heart ache. It's been a long and hard journey and I am not near the finish line but I already have my prize. Peace in Jesus, Faith that's been multiplied, a prayer life that has been strengthened and a son.
I've anticipated Simon's lullaby so when I caught myself singing the same song over and over again, I decided to look at it more closely. It's the well known Revelation song. In Revelation 4, it says that four appointed creatures sing "Holy Holy Holy is The Lord God almighty, who was and is and is to come" day and night. They never stop. It goes on to say "Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives forever and ever, they worship. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and their being." God willed Simon's life. Praise Him!
I thank God that I feel satisfied, I'm full because of all He's done for me. Glory to God!