Tuesday, July 23, 2013

See you soon, Mommy

As Gracia's due date grew near (March 31st), I started to plan for what the day would look like. I knew we'd go to church, then go out to brunch before we made our way to the cemetery. I wanted plans set to make the day easy. I checked Hobby Lobby's ad to see when flowers would be on sale. I didn't want the price of a flower to cause us not to buy it for her. Keilah walked the aisles, not able to decide which one would be best for her sister. I chose a white lily, Steve chose a purple rose and Keilah chose a hot pink gerber daisy. I knew I wanted to tie all the flowers together with a satin royal purple ribbon. I also knew that I wanted to write something on the ribbon.

I didn't understand why Gracia's due date had to be on Easter.  I knew there was a reason, because God is purposeful and sovereign. Before we reached the cemetery we made a pit stop at the gas station. I was annoyed with myself because I hadn't gotten her flowers dolled up the way I had envisioned. In desperation I opened a card that a dear friend gave to me that morning. It said "Your arms are empty, but so is the tomb!" I smiled :) FINALLY the answer I ached for. I knew right away that I wanted to write that on her ribbon.

When we got to the cemetery Keilah was quick to collect rocks, she used them to decorate Gracia's grave.  She was adamant that she be the one to put Gracia's flowers in the ground.

My arms are empty, but so is the tomb. Thank You, Jesus!


Keilah ran around the cemetery asking us to chase her.  She was comfortable in a place I'd rather not be.  She found beauty where I found heart ache. I was so thankful for her playfulness. She wanted to know all they baby names that were by Gracia. She even memorized a few. She took time to look at each baby grave to see what their loved ones left for them.  She was excited to find a light blue bunny sitting on a little boys grave. 
The week leading up to Gracia's due date I thought I should finish the remembrance book that I give in my Lullaby of Hope baskets.  The last chapter asks you to write a love letter to your child.  That was no easy task. As I attempted to say everything to my daughter that I never got the chance to say, I concluded by saying "See you soon, Mommy." What I've learned is that God's timing doesn't always match up to ours. God's verbiage doesn't match ours.

Revelation 22:12 Behold, I am coming soon!

When I say "I'll be there soon" I intend to be there in 15 minutes. That's not what God meant and that's not what I mean either. I know the sanctity of life, the precious gift of time on earth. I pray for God's plan with all my heart.

Galatians 5:5 For by faith, we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness in which we hope.