Hope through thorns

April 16, 2012 felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. 2 days earlier I learned that the baby I was carrying died. I had a sonogram to take measurements to find out when my baby stopped growing. I'll never forget what the sonographer said "Well, your baby is curled up. So it makes measurements difficult." My baby was dead. That was a Monday and my D&C was scheduled for that Wednesday. My doctor prescribed a pill to soften my cervix and by 4am I was having labor pains. Painful enough that I could no longer sleep.  The best way to describe what came next was dumping. The uncontrollable dumping that my body did. Nothing I could do would stop it. It felt like gallons of blood were rushing forth.  I stood in the bathroom covered in blood and I couldn't see through the tears and Steve had to clean me up.  It was like a horror movie. When my brother arrived to do some 5am babysitting, we left.  I thought the worse was over. Our drive to the hospital was silent. I stepped out of the car and did a little cheer in my head because no dumping happened. Then it did. I stood in the circle drive covered. I was still trying to figure out why all this dumping was happening, were all miscarriages this bad? I was embarrassed. I took off my hoodie and tied it around my waist. I waddled to the front desk to get signed in. The receptionist was already signing in another patient so I had to wait. She gave me a blanket to sit on. I have never felt so demoralized. What felt like ages, I finally got my turn to get checked in. I had to sign all the paperwork because it was I getting the surgery done. I was so mad. In so much pain. I begrudgingly handed over my visa to make my first payment. It all felt so wrong. I finally got called back to get prepped for surgery. She handed me a gown and I laughed at the pad she gave me. I started to peel the blood soaked clothes off of me and the blinding tears began.  I thought I was doing good until I found part of the placenta stuck to my leg. I screamed. My nurse and Steve rushed to my aid. My nurses motherly instincts took over. My body was shaking from losing so much blood and from all the pain I was in. I laid in my hospital bed, Steve holding my hand. Silent once again. I so desperately needed prayer, but I couldn't even whisper my request.  Just then my nurse said someone was here for me to pray with me. I assumed it was a hospital chaplain, but when she announced the name of a dear friend I quickly said yes. I knew God sent her in a very weak time. She held my hand and Steve's and prayed over us. When I opened my eyes my doctor was there, ready to take me back. It was just like the movies when I was being wheeled back to surgery. When I woke up I felt sooooo good. No more pain. When we were back at home we laid in bed eating cookies and sandwiches that a friend brought over. We felt like we were skipping school. We spent the rest of the day resting and enjoying each other's company. A perfect ending to a not so perfect day.

At the time, I felt picked on. At the time, it was the worse thing to happen to me and my family.  At the time, I was very angry.  I felt like a statistic.  I was confused.  In the book of Jonah, he too was confused and angry. He didn't understand God's way and I can say "Amen!" to that! It might seem silly to compare my baby to a plant that withered. But I too was exceedingly glad (Jonah 4:6) over new life.  And, I too was angry enough I would have chosen to die (Jonah 4:9).  Ecclesiastes 3:20 All are from dust, and to dust all return.

Jonah 4:10-11
And the Lord said, "You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?"

The Lord's compassion is great.

God had sympathetic pity and concern for the suffering I was in. His compassion is great and never-ending.

Lamentations 3:22
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never come to an end.

Lord, thank You for my thorns. For there is hope through thorns.