Thursday, December 6, 2012

I want to stay desperate for You

I love the tears of the saints.

Each of you that is broken with us, petition the Lord in prayer for us and cry for us. Thank you. It's odd to say that I love your tears but when I find out that someone has been touched by what God has been doing through us I find worth. It makes all of this worth it. And I would do it again.

I've had over 1,000 views on my three blog posts. 1,000 people who have heard the gospel. More people than I could ever reach in my own strength. Who knew God was so technically savvy. I barely know what a blog is. But He is the inventor of all things so why do I remain surprised by Him.

Last night I got the best E-mail ever. An E-mail from someone that grew up in the church and had fallen away and had been nudged by God to come back to Him but got caught up in the grips of the enemy. She's re-dedicated her life to Christ.  She said she's probably the only person asking me for prayer but asked anyway. I am so honored to pray for her. Even though she gave credit to how Steve, Keilah and I live life and gave credit to my faith through Gracia's death sentence...it was all His doing.  People, He can use anything. He's used Gracia's life for another one of His daughters to reclaim eternal life. From the beginning of Gracia's diagnosis I begged the Lord to not waste her life. That whatever He's up to must be grand and must be known to me. He's answered that prayer.

Below are lyrics to one of my favorite songs. I'm not smart enough to figure out how to share the actual link but I did post it to my Facebook. I've realized when I feel so low and don't know how to pray or too weak to ask for prayer that putting in a CD and allowing the lyrics to reign in my home and wash over me is the best anecdote.

Phil Joel
Desperate
Deliberate People CD

Lord, thank You for these days
Lord, thank You for these days
This has been the most trying year
Of testing and refining here
And I wouldn’t have it any other way
Lord, thank You for these days
And I will always choose to praise You

Lord, thank You for this place
Lord, thank You for Your grace
There is mercy in the midst of tests
An oasis in this wilderness
And Your light to lead my way
Lord, thank You for this place
And I will always choose to praise You

And I wanna stay
Desperate
I will remain
Desperate
For You

Lord I thank You for this rain
Healing waters when there’s pain
There are rivers of Your providence
Surrounding our obedience
In Your faithfulness, I put my faith
So Lord I thank You for this rain
And I will always choose to praise You

I wanna stay
Desperate
I will remain
Desperate
For You

Oh Jesus
For You Holy Spirit
For You O’ my Father
For You, for You
All my days I’ll sing Your praises

I feel his lyrics align with my story. Tuesday as I walked to the car after talking with Keilah's pre-school director I found myself crying out to the Lord to not stop. Please don't stop. I want to keep learning, keep using me as a vessel to bring others to you. I'm not ready for this journey to end.

I slept terrible. I kept asking God if I was awake for a reason, should I spend time with Him? Over and over I told Him that I love Him and that I want to rest in Him. Yet I still battled with sleep. The night before a Doctor appointment is the worse. An appointment that no matter the results will shape my future. 

Hebrews 4:14-16

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

When I woke up I secretly hoped for a text of scripture. I needed to hear from Him. But He had devised a much better plan.  Keilah walked into my room and we hugged. She told me she didn't sleep well and I told her I didn't either. I went on to say that I was thinking about Gracia's appointment today. This is what my three year old said to me "You know, God wants to forgive you?" As I went to kiss her forehead in thanks she put one finger up and said "One more thing. Did you know God loves you more than I do or Daddy or Gracia?"  There He goes speaking through my daughter again. The other day I asked God if He ever takes a step back and admire His handiwork. I think He must. I sure do, He continually amazes me.

My sweet sister is accompanying me to my Doctor's appointment today at 1:30pm. I don't know what news I will receive but I ask that you join me in prayer to receive the news in a way that glorifies Him.



1 comment:

  1. that is so awesome that so many people are being reached! i keep praying for you and the family sister. let's see what God does next. :)

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